The Further (Mis)Adventures of Princess Thumperhead started as a "post by email" that I wrote in college. When I moved away from school, the story widened and took on a different role for me, hence the Jester's Chronicles. Quite some time has past now and I find that I am returning to telling this weird little story, or The Trials. I suggest starting from the beginning. Some characters have been around that long...In April 2012, this story will turn 15. ....and Thanks for reading.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The lost Chronicles XXI: Here There Be Dragons.

 It was late on midsummer’s eve, when the Jester and Tintar were stopped on the road.
"Mi' Lord, a dispatch."  Tintar took the letter and read. When he finished he turned to the Jester and said, "Well my friend, it seems that the Minstrel Kahz is playing at the Harlot's Bosom.  Shall we get a pint and hear what he is playing?"
The Jester replied, "Lead on good sir, to good drink, fine music, and excellent women."
Several hours later, the travelers arrived at the infamous tavern.  They found Kahz playing to the best of his ability and the women were swooning.  They made their way to an open table and were soon enjoying pint of stout when an incident occurred.

Midway through an epic ballad, a young woman strode out of the kitchen with a ladle in hand and began to beat Eepir Kahz about the head and shoulders.  The flock of women at his feet scattered into the corners of the bar.  She kept screaming "Get the bloody song right!" until he fell back onto the ground mildly bloodied.  At that point, she turned on a heel and marched right back into the kitchen.

The Jester and Tintar just stared at each other for a moment, until Tintar said "I knew a woman like that once, I had her locked up in the sanitarium.  She kicked like a mule."  With that he shuttered, and the two men got up to see if the minstrel was alright.  As the approached, a young woman was already attending to him.  She had laid his head comfortably upon her chest and was wiping away the blood with the hem of her dress.

After realizing that their care could not compete with the young woman's ample compassion the two men retreated back to their table.

Finishing their pints, the Jester queried his friend.  "Now I have seen you in battle, bloodied, bruised, and beaten down.  I wonder, do you think you would have gotten up more quickly after being healed on the battleground if you were promised a night of 'minstrel care?'"

"I would have gotten up, but not in the way that was meant for fighting" Tintar joked back.

Before too long the minstrel was sitting on a stool singing a love ballad to his endowed caregiver.

"Let us depart before I forsake warfare for a dress and women's work."  Tintar said pulling the Jester out of his seat.

As the tavern’s door closed, the wailing tune drifted out with them.

Several weeks later, a personal note was delivered to Tintar's apartment.

"Dear Comrade,
My precocious cousin has alighted from the family lands and my agents have reported seeing throughout your great city.  She has taken up with a classless man who entertained in my court a number of months ago.  He now performs at a tavern call's the 'Whore's Bossum' or something like that.  Please find her and make sure she is in safe keeping.
Your brother in arms,
Arvais Draconni"

Tintar sent several of his elite trackers to Eepir Kahz boarding house to keep an eye out for her.  Their orders were clear, follow, protect, and do not intrude until ordered to do so.

For months reports came in.  Kahz had definitely taken up with the young woman.  She was a foreigner.  She went by Allyssa.  She had expensive tastes.  She talked about mythical monsters.  She was, by all accounts, not a lady after midnight.

Tintar decided to use some more aggressive tact in getting information.  He sent the Jester to visit the couple and report back his findings.

That evening with a gift in hand the Jester rapped on their door.  Kahz opened the door, his clothes were all asunder.  "Well good evening my wandering friend.  What brings you to my humble abode at this early hour?"

"May I come in?" the Jester asked as he stepped through the doorway. "As the sun is now setting, it seems only unsavory characters are getting on with their days.  Did I wake you?"

"Wake me, by all good heavens no!  Rouse me from my bed then yes!  But what's done is done.  Come in!"

As if on cue, a lovely young lady in a gossamer gown floated down the stairs.  "My love!  Soon to be my bride!  This is the Illustrious Royal Jester!  Are you still royal with it being an empire and all now?  It's all mad rubbish anyhow.  Jester this is Allyssa!  We are to wed next summer!"

"Well then, this may be more appropriately a nuptials gift."  He said as he set the covered gift on the nearest table.

Allyssa rushed forward to open the gift.  As she pulled off the blanket there sat a small iron cage.  In the corner of the cage, no more than a hands breath wide was a small fire dragon.  With its world suddenly brighten the dragon reared back spit out the tiniest fireball, no larger than a candle's flame.  Allyssa squealed with glee and said "How did you know?  It looks just like the one I had as a young child!"

"It thought it was fitting.  I found him last year.  He needed someone to care for him.  If my memory serves me right he is a cave dragon.  It will be another year or two before he is strong enough to use his wings.  I think he would make an excellent addition to your home for a few years at least."

"I name thee Prince Pyrite." said Allyssa as she coaxed him out of the cage and onto her hand. 

"Well thank you old friend, a handsome little devil if I don't say so myself.  Let's drink and talk there is much to catch up on."  Eepir took the Jester's arm and led him to a back room.

<<Author's note:  I did write this for a huge fan and his soon to be wife.  As it turned out...I never actually published it anywhere.  So I just emailed it to the fan (not sure if it will get read as time has dramatically changed the nature of our relationship) and now I feel comfortable posting it here online.  As with all "Lost" episodes, this does not conform to any particular point in the timeline.>>