The Further (Mis)Adventures of Princess Thumperhead started as a "post by email" that I wrote in college. When I moved away from school, the story widened and took on a different role for me, hence the Jester's Chronicles. Quite some time has past now and I find that I am returning to telling this weird little story, or The Trials. I suggest starting from the beginning. Some characters have been around that long...In April 2012, this story will turn 15. ....and Thanks for reading.

Monday, December 07, 1998

Chronicles XII: Poisoned Relationships and Change of Nations.

In the darkest of days, things never seemed this bleak. To the north,
wizards gallivanting about as though they were human, to the south,
barbaric rituals of blood and mutilation, to the west, the Great Queen
was exterminating thousands of men who could challenge her infant
child’s Royal claim, and to the east, mobs of starving urchins rule the
streets. King Decker has retired to his den of sin and intrigue,
leaving the most unprepared of stewards to manage his kingdom. All the
while he dwells, in the bed of his wife, brooding over the welfare of
his infant daughter. These days she moves and scoots and has the
appearance of a healthy child, except for that dull listless stare of
the haunted. Drifting in like a thief into the chamber the King hears,
no feels, the primal corruption of the air. It pulsates like an
infected wound. It reeks of tainted coppery blood and puss, and
illness. The perimeter guards are found all be inverted, their skin
peeled back like an onion. The carnage that litters the streets of
children and peasants permeates the senses. The damage to the buildings
and to the gates denotes only one thing, the Baron has returned, and the
toll will be paid in pain. The King crumples to the street, coagulated
blood and entrails soiling his robes. The perfumed haze that hangs
about his head is sped away by a breeze and replaced by the foul
combination urine, feces, and rancid meat. None who saw the advancing
army, had the time to raise a call to arms, nor the time to flee.
Under the cover of darkness, the warm winds and new moon prevented all
from seeing, the greatest feat of magic in recent memory. There was the
day that Smitty the Slah Kar rapped upon the doors of the Unseen
Library, and it was hallow. Hundreds of thousands of years of
history…gone, in but a few scant hours.
It was coming upon one of the Jester’s favorite times of the year. The
Feast of the Hallowed and he wanted to return to Boones, where the
festival was known to be the most blissful three days that anyone could
endure. Upon his arrival though…he was stunned to find that Errien had
retired to his summer cottage, as the office had become too much for him
(though there is local gossip that he had taken up with an enchantress
and that he was “indisposed” more often than not.) To replace him,
Duhnk, Brand and Di’Rand had developed a ruling triumvirate and had
divided Boones into three districts, each with a Governing Marshall.
All was going well, the Jester and company was feasting, with wine,
women, and song, when they were visited with a vision of a witch and
poisonous monkeys. They took it quite well, all things considered.
The Jester returned to his humble abode and promptly moved, this time
having found a quiet grove on the north side of the Port City. He and
the Ars had agreed that if there were ever a threat to the Library that
this place would be the new haven. As it was to the Jester’s way of
thinking…if you couldn’t find the Library, who could threaten it? As he
was returning from Boones he was horrified to find that his hideaway had
been invaded by thousands of books, stacked as high as the walls and as
far as the eye could see. The Ars returned to find his neatly stacked
books having been pushed up against one wall and the Jester’s rucksack
on the floor. The Ars having been tipped off by the prophetic ratings
of Gef’Rey the Pious, the Ars saw the need to uproot the Library with
the aid of K’Abe, who single-handedly hefted two great bookcases upon his
back and carried them into the new Library.
The Ars and the Jester thought it wise to invest in future protection
for the Library. They concealed this location far more adequately then
the first one and the Ars did not allow so many people to gain access to
the stacks. Although with Gef’Rey committed, it has become necessary
for the Ars to find a new attendant to care for the Library in his
absence, until that time, he is never far from it.
Ramierez and Murrin, it is rumored, are to be making an appearance at
the Library soon, to pay homage and weave wards of protection against
Baron Saing.
News that Dar Benedict has been seen once again in Gothex fled north to
the Jester's ears only to be compounded with the fact that apparently
he had slipped a hallucinogenic herb into Marshall Duhnk's drink and
that the Marshall is not well. If there is any news of the Dar's
whereabouts he is to be "interviewed" in Boones.

In happier news:
The Jester and the Ars are to put on the Festival of First Snow in the
coming week’s end.

All are welcome, if they agree to put aside their differences, weapons,
magicks, and intrigues for a night of entertainment, which includes a
Minstrel of some renown who may play for the merriment for the crowds,
a feast for Kings (no disrespect intended), and a show of shows. Feel
free to correspond if the fancy strikes you to be entertained for a few
hours. There will also be a juggler, card games, and infant tossing,
so….come one come all!

Friday, September 11, 1998

Chronicles XI: The Shifting Sands of Power.

As the fall season slowly made itself felt across the realms, the Jester
and Ar' D. Jazan made their way north to the edge of Gothex. After many
hours, they arrived at the abode of Murrin, recently released as Baron
Saing's retainer as had his consort Ramierez. Murrin had tried to
develop the ability to breathe as a fish does, but had not perfected
the spell. Ramierez had turned over his research in the pursuits of
things more horrid. Murrin sent for the local Ars and the Jester to aid
in his research. It took almost a week for the spell to be truly
successful, but in the end all four swam to great depths and as though
they were fish. All of them rejoiced and drank until the sun was low in
the sky, then the Ars and the Jester chose to return to Gothex proper.
Upon their return, the Jester was served with a notice that message had
arrived for him from an unknown source in the Kingdom of Twisting
Rains. Queen Growley Bear, Slayer of the Dragon of York, Vanquisher of
the Western Empire, Queen of all that she surveys had sent him a warning
that Baron Saing had encroached upon her lands and that Gothex had a
week to remedy the situation or that her eye would turn to the Port City
and things would become unpleasant. The Jester, having once known her
as a young noble, was well aware of her reputation and passion for
getting things done. The Jester forwarded on the warning to the King.
Privately, the Jester wondered: if the Queen were to come to Gothex,
would these squabbling political bodies would her siege, probably not he
The Jester sought out Kindle and spent hours in her counsel, after which
his mind was cleared and his soul lightened. He was concerned that with
Kindle's departure that she might not return. He had learned that many
beings as powerful as Kindle became less and less involved in the
affairs of mere mortals. Although it was unknown who had mastered the
most power, Kindle, the Plague Wizards, the Ars, Terra or the Baron, it
was certain that if these powers were ever to turn on their tentative
truce most of the realms would be obliterated. Well that was if you
believed in magic...
Meanwhile, on the border of Gothex, a fatigued army of unholy creations
ransacked local villages and towns, slaying inhabitants and mutilating
animals in the foul rituals. The Baron sat back in his throne of human
carcasses and smiled, that thin leer that unsettled his closest advisors
who secretly wondered if their head would make the next foot rest for
his throne. Late in the night, still a week's march from Gothex's
palace, reports came that some whelp had denounced and replaced him.
Well this pathetic tenderfoot would feel the extent of his wrath, all he
had to do was continue along without drawing the gaze of
Queen-what's-her-name and that little brat of hers. All things will be
as he deems that they should be, right now he needed patience. There
would be blood enough to bathe his army for a year. All things to

Wednesday, September 02, 1998

Chronicles X: Time Flies When You're a Fish.

In Gothex:

And so the day came, as though to preempt the return of Baron Saing, a
freak show rolled into Gothex on a bleak and rainy day. Gef’Rey the
Pious and the Jester make their way down to the Square to see the show
and are horrified to find that people are dying in foul and unholy ways.
It took weeks to clear the Square of the putrid smell of death and decay
the freak show had brought upon their fine city, but it was soon
discovered that the owner, a whale of a man by the name of Herr'ing the
Foul, who had entered into a pact with Saing for a few "unholy perks" in
the afterlife, had brought with him a noxious cloud that had killed more
than a hundred poor souls. Fortunately, the freak show did not appeal
to a large portion of the populace. Still it had left its mark upon
Gef’Rey and the Jester, both of whom are probably scarred for life.
Meanwhile, hidden away safely on the outskirts of town, Dar Benedict
having seen the effects of his dealings with Herr'ing finds that he has
new resources in the Black Baron tends to promote himself to a valued
position for his new Lord. If only to aid in his plans for Boones, he
will serve like any good pawn, because pawns too can kill Kings if
they're used right.
For the King Dekker, ruler ship is not as easy as he thought it might be.
Guilds squabbling, parties vying for a minute of his time, family
concerns, and assassination attempts are not things that make running a
country a joy. But for the most part he stumbles through it. There was
that mass poisoning on the square, reports of 13 foot giants building
pyramids on the roads, the drunken riots in celebration of his
coronation and reports that an undead army was returning to his city,
not bad for his first 3 months as King.
While the Jester was wandering off to the Lake of the Damned, Ar' D.
Jazan noticed that Gef’Rey the Pious was neglecting his studies. D.
Jazan sent forth runners to find his pupil only to find that he was
nowhere to be found. It was not until a Smitty had fallen asleep on the
road outside the Unseen Library did the location of Gef’Rey become
known. Apparently, the Pious one, seeking solitude had headed off into
the mountains to consider the horrors of what had occurred on the
Square. It was on said mountain that Gef’Rey was found, rain pouring,
lightning threatening, he tore open his robes and bared his chest,
screaming into the wind. It was then that lightning chose to flash and
the Pious one tumbled like a rag doll, down the mountain.
In a small hut with stakes holding it down, a single red star adorning
its roof, Kindle prepared to make a voyage across the Great Sea. Her
reverie was interrupted by a messenger sent from the Jester. It was odd
because the Jester had been traveling so much that the two had not
spoken much. Hopefully he had learned the spell to breathe as a fish
does and that he was prepared to give her the components. But no, the
scroll was in regards to Lady 'deGuile, the Jester had not heard from
her and had grown concerned. As Kindle consulted her scrying pool, she
saw the vague images of 'deGuile in a drunken orgy of sorts with all
manner of vices in use. It was not clear if this was the present, past
or the future, but it was cause for concern. Kindle would have to
dispatch a messenger to look into it, but she more important things to
do in the mean time. That damned Saing was returning soon and that was
a whole other mess to worry about.

In the Lake of the Damned:
Ramierez and the Jester took long forays into the briny deep to uncover
lost artifacts from shipwrecks. It was odd, swimming as a fish might,
at length and in the murk of the Lake. More than once the Jester felt
as though Ramierez had tricked him into leaving the safe confines of
land on these expedition, but without fail they had found a relic, a
scroll, or some other manner of magic which the Jester could take back to
Gothex. But the Jester, not accustomed to magic being at work on him at
length could not endure as much as Ramierez could. The Jester found
himself sleeping for long periods to recover from the effects. , and so he did.

In Boones:
Boones had it bi-annual election and with few changes continued on it
merry way. The black cloud that hung near their city had left with
Saing's army, but the Governor insisted that the stacks of dogs remain
as a warning to others. And so they did, until they started to
decompose, then they were set on fire, no comment on the smell then.
The only significant news was when Queen Growley Bear wiped out the
Western Empire. JJ was dispatched to York to learn what they could
about the Queen of Twisting Rain.

Saturday, June 13, 1998

Chronicles IX: The Spoils of War....

The Jester seeing a need to confer with D. Jazan, commandeered a chariot
and brought the both of them to the edges of Boones. The long ride had
taken its toll on the two men and sat down at the Governor's palace to
part take in some wine, women, and song. Many a wench did make her way
to the private chambers, their wiles such that Gef’Rey the Pious would
most certainly have died of embarrassment, if only he too had journeyed
forth with them. As the evening winded down for the night, the Jester
wandered off with a sprite of a girl as the two older men discussed
tactics and strategy. The spoke long into the night, and only broke to
make sure that the Jester was playing "nicely" with others.
As the wee hours crept over the city, the Jester dreamed of red headed
nymphs and wily bar wenches, D. Jazan slept uneasily. He awoke with a
start, and sought some fresh air to calm himself. As he stepped out
onto a balcony, had stumbled upon a pair or trio of assassins, about to
enter the Governor's chambers. Speaking ancient and power filled words
the Ars quickly dispatched the would be murderers, and having found the
calm he so richly craved fell into a deep slumber.
The next morning, the Jester rose and walked about the streets as he
often did when he was a citizen of Edwardoland. He came upon a healer's
tent, and wandered in out of curiosity. He saw lying there, amid
scratches and blood, a lady of the Edwardoland court, Lady Prim. She
would have been all but unrecognizable to any but the most closely
related to the court. The Jester paid for her care and had her moved to
the Governor's palace to be taken care of by the staff physician. She
could not speak, but in a whisper she rambled on about the flame, the
rocks, and the pain. With time, it was said that she may be cured.
In the mean time, Duke Decker sees his opportunity to seize the vacant
throne. He installs himself as King and moves to have the Parliament
reinstated. He moves rapidly, renovating the army and allying himself
with the local merchants and guild leaders. In less than 3 months he
has all but grid locked his position. Unfortunately, his supporters, the
Magpie Party, have their own agendas and have chosen to tell the King
the truth so that it best reflects their interests. The Magpies have
insinuated themselves very closely to the King, and it doesn't seem
likely that he'll rule against them on anything soon.

When the Jester and Ar' D. Jazan return from the journey south, they
find themselves, rather on the outs with the new political system. Even
the Slah-Kars have made efforts to run an opponent to the new system.

Also, there is a rumor that the Plague Wizard, Ramierez has found a way
to create life from death, and although his first one is a horror to
behold, it is said that he fancies the she-thing.

Coming soon:

**Ar' D. Jazan celebrates the King's installment.

**The Jester loses his mind.

**Gef’Rey part takes in a freak show.

**And the Jester travels to a new kingdom of Tem'pe, in the Land of

Sunday, April 26, 1998

Chronicles VIII: The World Through Rose Colored Glasses

In short order, the Jester was dispatched to Boones to look over Saing's
army. In the middle of a horrid dream, he awoke with a start, the last
tendrils of images escaping back into the dark recesses of sleep. A
soft, seductive voice whispered sweet nothings in his ear, and as the
Jester is not one to stray from prettied words, he stumbled after them
as though he were in a daze. As he awoke from what seemed an endless
sleep, he beheld a stunning nymph, who sat upon the foot of his straw
bed. Before the Jester could spout a reasonable defense for what must
have occurred the nymph slowly rose and vanished into mists. The Jester
seemed confused and muddled but did seem to remember that he had indeed
been summoned by the Witch Kindle and that she had spoken to him of
prophesy that had come to pass and that which he could not yet see. She
had told him of mistakes that she too had made in her youth, when she
played the fool (as he so often does) and that it was the fool who would
place the King upon the throne. She spoke to him of matters so far
ranging that his simple mind could not take it all in and that some was
left to run into nothingness. Her words on the betrayal of a benevolent
monarch spurred the Jester on to Boones where the thoughts of Saing
undermining the Governor's control disturbed him. As he arrived in
Boones, but the town was not at all the peaceful town he had known it to
be. Refugees lined the streets. Food lines on every other corner. The
Jester gave all that his meager savings would allow him to the starving
wretches of Boones.
It also seemed that there was trouble from without as well as within.
Duhnk, Brand, and to a lesser extent Di'Rand were swayed by a charlatan,
that Gov. Errien was not fit to stand as the ruler of the town. It
seemed that they were so thoroughly convinced that they were prepared to
throw him into the stockades, but the Jester was able, through much
politicking, to diplomatically advice the Governor of his situation. It
was decided that Errien would indeed finish out his term, and possibly
rule for another term, but he may not have the backing of the Ruling
Council. With this slight horror, already smoldering out, there came
one last flame up, as a young rake tried to air out Errien's ribs with a
dagger. Although the assassination attempt failed, it did make the
governor more aware that he had enemies in quarters that he was still
unaware of.
Meanwhile, in another part of Boones, Dar Benedict plots for the moment
when his usefulness will be at it greatest. When he can intercede on
the Damned Queen's behalf and prevent the prophesy for fulfilling
itself. He sits idly by, watching the stars and counting the months
that he has left. He will have his moment, even if it does mean a
little blood is spilled.
In still another district of Boones, Lynn makes her way to the altar to
prayer for forgiveness and for her memory to return. After all that
rubble had fallen on her she had clawed her way free. The muffled cries
from the debris that had imprisoned her, still rang loudly in her ears.
Her only thought was that she had not known those people. They would
have dies very slowly indeed. Who were those people, were they my
family? Or just some unlucky passersby when the building had collapsed.

Coming soon:

**Ar' D. Jazan spoils another assassination attempt.

**The Jester rescues Lady Prim from Baron Saing.

**Duke Decker claims his lands and Baron Saing returns to Gothex.

Thursday, April 23, 1998

Chronicles VII: The Evil the Moves to Destroy Us...

As he rode forth, returning to a land he once knew quite well, Duke
Decker marveled at how it had changed so much, as he had. Many years
had passed, since had had last lived here. He had spent most of them
doing what it is that young men should do before settling down and
raising a family. His return was marked by his new marriage and first
child on its way, some rumors say that the former was a result of the
latter... Duke Decker had returned to reclaim the throne that was his
birthright. All that stood in his way was a score of years of decay,
and of course the Baron. Decker thought it best to speak with the
townspeople of Gothex before he staked his claim, as it is wise to
evaluate a situation before leaping into it. He stabled his horses and
family at the Happy Harlot Inn.

He soon discovered that the Baron was away on a campaign to the south
and would not be returning until later in the year. He also learned
that the mage who could, in his youth, summon a magical chariot on a
whim. The Duke had spent many a whimsical day in the company of the man
whom he knew to be D'Jazan. Apparently, D'Jazan had taken more
seriously to his studies and had become something of a recluse. He had
attained the ranking of "Ars" when his mentor Ars MicHurdy, Master of
the Fire, had passed into ashes and took over the Damien’s Library
which had been concealed when Saing moved to Gothex.
The Duke first sought out D. Jazan for advice and guidance. Upon
arriving at the Unseen Library he was escorted to D'Jazan's ante room by a
former childhood friend, Tintar the Virile. Tintar who was once a lady's
man of some renown, went into hiding when several brothers appeared at
his door and demanded he atone for his violations of their sisters'
honor. As Tintar back peddled at the accusations, wildly waving his arms
in a defensive manner, he fell backwards out of his bedroom window.
Landing unhurt, and slightly muffed, he thought "Maybe it would be best
to move, now..." and petitioned to study with Ar' D. Jazan. He has been
here ever since.

As the door to his study swung open to receive him, the Duke saw that D.
Jazan was in a light hearted conversation, with what appeared to be a
fool. A fool that he recognized as another childhood friend, the son of
his father's court Jester. After a moment, the three realized that a
prophecy was beginning to be full filled. Duke Decker suggested private
counsel outside of the walls of Gothex, and in short order the
arrangements had been made. A sacred grove of tree stood not the far to
the east of Gothex and it would take them but less than a day to arrive
there and set up a comfortable camp.
As the sun lay down to sleep and the three men were deep in conversation
over how to defeat Saing, they realized that they were not alone. Dog
sized rodents with men's hands began to probe the camp 's edges. Early
on the men had taken no notice of this fact, but as guards failed to
report in, the concern grew. It was when a skull of one of the guards
was thrown down into the camp as a challenge (or a warning) did the men
react visibly. D. Jazan summoned an enchanted shelter and provided
refuge for the men. As they slept, there were other forces at work on

Far off, standing around a bubbling pool of blood and entrails, Saing
and Ramierez stood watching the shelter.

-"But Lord Saing, they are but three against my hordes of raccoons."
-"I do not care, slay Jazan and the others will fall like twigs"
-"Yes, my lord."

Jazan awoke from a pain filled sleep as though his gullet were ablaze
with embers. He awoke the Jester and informed the Duke to stay inside
of the shelter. The Jester, had in a dream, proceeded to take Jazan to
druid who lived not far from the grove. The chariot was ensnared by
swallowing sand and they had to flee in a summoned cart drained the last
of Jazan strength. Many hours later, as the sun rose, Jazan awoke from
a short but painless sleep and informed the Duke and Jester that must
return to the Library at once, for he was vulnerable that far from his
sanctuary. With a flourish and some regret he left. The Duke and
Jester spent the day studying the weaknesses of Saing and drawing up
tactics to defeat him. After this day, it was decided to return to
Gothex and study maps to be sure of their plans. As they departed the
grove a gentle snow began to fall over the area, it would end four days
later. It covered a man's height in white powder and would have buried
the camp whole.

Upon his return, the Jester left again to Boones to see what of Saing's
army was still intact.


Jazan and Duke Decker continued their plans to assault Saing's
And in Boones, and assassination attempt is in the works, the Jester is
summoned to Kindle's haven, and a plague wizard creates an undead

Thursday, March 12, 1998

Chronicles VI: The Horror of Smitty the Slah-Kar

Author's Note:
The following was written by Gef’Rey under the close eye of Ar' D.
Jazan. Further edited by the Jester.

"From the Journals of
Gef’Rey the Pious, student of Ar' D’Jazan,
Keeper of the Unseen Library.

The twenty-second day of Baron Saing's thirteenth year of rule,

It is unseasonable today, and the taint of foul chaos seems to hang in the air. In the interest of history and my studies, it will be revealed to all what caused this taint....

The tale begins some months back, whilst the Jester still dwelt in Edwardoland. It had been quiet in Gothex and the citizens were preparing for the harvest festival, giving thanks to the gods. As acolytes of the Unseen Library, we were heavily involved in the preparations.

Unbeknownst to all, strange events were brewing in a mighty stand of trees to the Northeast of Gothex. There, in a small clearing, lived Smitty, a exiled acolyte from the library, lately having shown a marked degradation in his mental faculties and energy level. Now given to sloth, he spent the majority of his time asleep, and what few waking hours he had were spent in the company of equally slovenly companions at the local free hostel known quaintly as 'Slah-kar's Shoppe/Inn'.

Now it came to pass that 'staying' at the hostel was a young child-beast known as Sykoshia. Smitty was filled with lust for the young one, and after stabbing the barkeep, he proceeded to slake his unnatural lust.

K'Abe, a toy maker and rare patron also fell victim to Sykoshia's unnatural wiles. Much like Smitty, he was filled with an unnatural lust for Sykoshia, and would have acted on it, but for the arrival of Gef’Rey the Pious.

Despite Smitty's state, passed out on the floor and as a failed student, Gef’Rey had maintained contact with him in his exile, and that fateful day had journeyed in search of some relaxation in the form of Smitty's tales of fantasy and myth. Upon meeting Sykoshia, Gef’Rey was filled with interest about the strange childlike creature. Above all else, Gef’Rey is a man of piety and scholarship and his vow to observe and report to Ar' D. Jazan overrode the lust he had felt. However his curiosity won out in the end and he took Smitty and Sykoshia to the Happy Harlot for dinner.

Throughout dinner, Gef’Rey began to realize the true horror of the thing known as Sykoshia. The undead creation had the hallmarks of the Ramierez, a dealer in all things vile. The creature evoked pity and lust in all around it, while leaching the vital energy it required to cling to life. As Gef’Rey recoiled in horror, K'Abe and Smitty fell further into her clutches.

Fleeing the inn for the sanctity of the Library, Gef’Rey related the tale to Ars D'Jazen and a new pupil, Tintar, but received little advice or comfort. Jazan for his part seemed fascinated, but not prone to running off on a whim, for every foul creature that walks the realms. Those days were long past for him.

Some weeks later, Smitty sent a frantic summons to Gef’Rey to come to the hostel. Possessed by the unholy lust that emanated from the creature, K'Abe assaulted Sykoshia and Smitty was seeking assistance in confronting K'Abe. Concerned for the former student, Ar' D. Jazan accompanied the monk to the hostel. Upon arriving, Gef’Rey and Ar' D. Jazan found a buzzing den of chaos. Smitty and K'Abe fought over the creature. Bolstered by the dark power of Sykoshia, Smitty mortally wounded K'Abe while the beast greedily drank the dying man's life force. Seeing the evils being committed, Gef’Rey and Ar' D. Jazan returned to the Unseen Library. Carrying with them the dying body of K'Abe. As they left, Smitty took Sykoshia to the floor and time and again cooled the fire of lust that burned in his tainted soul.

In the safety of the library, Gef’Rey began to plot the destruction of the beast while healers attended to K'Abe. With the aid of Ar' D. Jazan, a potion containing frog blood, snail tears, and an eagle semen was created. When imbibed, the mixture would prevent Sykoshia from feeding. The potion was given to Tintar, who used his glib tongue to convince Smitty to imbibe the mixture. Unable to feed on Smitty, Sykoshia fled.

As peace is ever fleeting, Smitty was ever changed by his experiences at the hands of the undead child beast. Unable to contain his lusts, Smitty joined the Slah-kar, a group of child slavers who operate in the back alleys of Gothex. Choosing a child whom most reminds him of the long lost Sykoshia, Smitty continues to satisfy his unnatural desires."

Upon closing the book, Lady de'Guile reflected upon how much she did not know about the powers, known and cloaked in shadows that ran Gothex. With a new noble claiming a hereditary title, Gothex should become a hotbed of political intrigues. “A fine time to turn a coin or two for rumors. It is best to know who may win a war before you deal to both sides. Saing's rule has been, well...not harsh, but with unholy creatures becoming more commonplace everyday....who wants that kind of a place to live? Maybe a well placed rumor or two will affect the coming war....

Wednesday, February 25, 1998

Chronicles V: The Lost Gothex Chapter

***Editor's note
This issue of the Jester's Chronicles was provided by Ar' D. Jazan, for your entertainment.

While the Jester was in the witnessing the horrors occurring in Edwardoland, strange things were occurring in the city-state of Gothex. Rumors began of a strange beast roaming the countryside and mutilating cattle. Upon hearing these tales, most of the residents of Gothex merely crossed themselves and muttered that with rumors of plague wizards to the south, monsters were only to be expected.

However for Gef’Rey the Pious, these vague rumors only strengthened his desire to find the truth of the matter. Traveling from tavern to tavern, Gef’Rey gathered all of the information about the beast that he could. It seemed to come out only at night. Though it walked like a man, it had a strange loping gate. It’s face was similar to an ape, but with strange bone-like protrusions on its chin, eyebrows, nose, and tongue.

Most disturbingly of all, Gef’Rey learned the creature had abducted a serving wench from the Happy Harlot tavern mere minutes before he arrived. Horrified that the creature had apparently acquired a taste for human flesh, Gef’Rey at once departed for the unseen library.

After relating his tale to Tintar and Ar’ D. Jazan, the three decided to go on a quest to free the fair maid from the foul beast. For Gef’Rey it was a matter of curiosity, for Ar’ D. Jazan it was his youthful oath to always help a maiden in trouble, and of course for Tintar it was a belief that this tale of bravery would aid him in the bedding of other serving wenches.

Tintar insisted that before the quest they visit the unseen armory, deep beneath the library. Once there, Tintar armed himself with a Japanese katana, a curved short sword from Tibet, a dagger suitable for throwing, and a Gurka Kuri. As was their custom, Gef’Rey and Ar’ D. Jazan went unarmed.

The three scoured the countryside looking for the beast. Upon sighting the creature, it immediately fled. The three gave chase, and after many long hours Tintar cornered it. Using each of his weapons in turn, he injured the beast, while Gef’Rey and Ar’ D. Jazan stood back (as would any wise man while Tintar was brandishing a weapon).

As Tintar prepared to deal the killing blow, suddenly a wood nymph leapt forth begging for mercy. Gef'Rey and Ar’ D. Jazan restrained Tintar to allow the Nymph to tell her tale. Apparently this saurid creature was her mate. Normally, they stayed far away from the Gothex, but she had been curious and assumed the guise of a human serving wench to avoid detection. However, she had been gone too long and her mate had been impatient. He began to search for her, but unable to converse as a normal man he terrified whoever he encountered.
Feeling pity on the beast, Gef’Rey and Ar’ D. Jazan left. Tintar decided to let the beast live. But not before hamstringing it to prevent it from nearing the city again. The wood nymph howled a curse at Tintar for his actions, but the librarian merely laughed, for what power would the magic of a woman have over one as manly as he?

Thursday, February 19, 1998

Chronicle IV: Court Intrigue and a Little Carnage

The rains beat down on Governor Errien as he stood on a balcony surveying the reports that his spies brought in. It was true that Saing's troops stood on his borders, but he had just won this State and he wasn't about to lose it to some Undead General. Packs of dogs occasionally ravaged his villages, but they were not organized attacks. Today one of the packs were rampaging through one of the small villas that surrounded his wall. Summoning his long bow, Errien put arrow after arrow into the pack leader until it was dead. He was unsatisfied though, he had put two arrows in the dogs hind legs, then one in it lower back, crippling it, and then one through its left eye. He ordered for any dogs found in his domain to be exterminated, a reward for every dog's skull brought before him.

Duhnk, in the mean time, was trying to understand a visiting noble woman's cultural rites of self-gratification. It was a difficult concept of purification, prayer, and guilt. Whereas in Boones...when in Boones do as the Nobles do...

Vague rumors of Nobles naked and running amuck in the corridors coursed among the servants.

Dar Benedict played with his daughter, as any good father should, reminding himself that this mat be the last few months for him in Boones. His deal would most likely leave him dead or on the run, but he'd have his daughter...

JJ the Red, has kept up affairs on his end. He was proposed to by a charming court entertainer, rumors have it that she was a favorite of the governor's, before her engagement. JJ had no comment on the matter.

While concealed away in Boones, a trusted runner brought a message to the hands of the Jester. As he turned it over in his hands, he saw the seal of Edwardoland and realized that it was the late Princess. As he read over it, he wept. There, in flowing script and dried tears the Princess rescinded her exile notice and pleaded for the Jester to return to her court. Distraught, the Jester fled Boones and headed for council with Lady/Queen 'deGuile. Upon arrival, the Lady summoned the Jester to her and queried him on the condition of Boones and Saing's army. After a few hours of dry discussion, it turned to the tragic days of Edwardoland. She said that she wished that Gef’Rey the Pious had only arrived sooner, she may have prevented some of the nightmares that occurred. The Jester asked what Kindle had sent and if he could see it. Handed the appropriate scroll from seemingly nowhere, the Jester expected to look at it and see the scribbles from before. Much to his surprise, he was able to read, plain as day, with the enchantments
removed, the following:

"Lady of Shadows,

Beware the wandering fool,
His loyalties are not as they seem,
His truths are the torch to the pyre of chaos.
He does not with malice do,
The acts of pain are not directed.
His hand married to a ghost do haunt,
The living will burn and run.
The undoing will begin with the birth of one,
True of heart, and clear of mind.
Only then will the locusts fly from our lands.

Move your agents and bring shadow forth to shroud and cloak our pawns,
only then are we assured.


This was all still a riddle to the Jester, but he felt lighter of heart and returned to Gothex, and the chaos that had occurred in his absence.

**Meanwhile in Boones, a young woman by the name of Lynn de 'Hor began a quest of her own...

Tuesday, February 10, 1998

Chronicles III: The Marches of Baron Saing

The darkest days were ahead for Edwardoland, unfortunately, no one there knew it yet. As was foretold by Kindle the Witch, wise beyond her years, there was a dark cloud advancing on Princess Thumper Head's lands. With the Jester's return to Gothex, things settled down, until he was summoned to see the Black Baron Saing. Saing held court in a small-blackened husk of a former mausoleum. His power, was rumored to be derived from that of the dead and his dealings with all things unholy.

The Jester's summons did not imply a death sentence, since he had aided Saing in deposing a minor duke some years back, in his youth. Saing was a gaunt man, who rested like a wraith on a throne. His taught visage seemed to age the Jester, by simply being in proximity to the man. The meeting was brief, just a few questions about his former charges, the Royal Family, and the Jester was on his way. As he left, he saw two hooded figures half concealed by the shadows of the court, whispering and chanting to themselves. Ah...thought the Jester, the fabled Plague Wizards, rumored to be brothers. With those thoughts barely crossing his mind, the Jester thought it wise to depart before his thoughts were revealed to those two, they had a habit of flaying their enemies with
seashells and hot coals.

Soon after his meeting with Saing, the Jester made his way to the Unseen Library and the company of Ar' D. Jazan and Gef’Rey the Pious. He inquired about the Plague Wizards, and was rewarded with disturbing tales of carnage and unholy alliances that kept them alive, so to speak. With this news, the Jester issued a messenger to Kindle for guidance. While the Jester's search for knowledge was taking place, a large force of creatures alive and unholy, marched on the Castles on Edwardoland and Effingleer. Baron Saing saw weakness as opportunity and there was a lot of opportunity south of Gothex, if his sources were to be believed. He first rolled over Springville laying waste to all that he surveyed. It was at this time that Minister Brand was inspecting the damage caused to Springville in the war against Effingleer. He fled upon the sight of the approaching army and was only an hour ahead of them as he arrived in Boones. The news of a force that size having slipped past so many informants terrified Governor Errien, and threw the Ministers into turmoil as to how best to deal with this army. Riders came in every
minute or two reporting that Baron Saing was massacring townspeople by the hundreds and butchering soldiers that had fled the battleground. Just as it seemed that the City would have to mobilize their forces, the advancing army stopped. They encircled the Princess' castle and demanded her surrender.

It seems that Princess Thumper Head was too enraged to have heard the edict, because she had returned to her chambers to find Lady Prim, Lady Vase, and Empress Prop 'Hor had all taken up with her consorts, a virtual orgy had been in progress as she walked through the chamber door. As the fight raged on inside the castle, the siege weapons slowly battered their way through the walls of the castle.

Rumors made their way back to Boones that the castle was in ruins. Reports also held that the Nobles had their flesh ripped from their bones as hundreds of dogs set upon them in packs. No one could identify any of them. The Ministers held a moment of silence that was rudely interrupted by a runner baring a message for the Governor. Upon reading the scroll, he ordered Dar Benedict to submit to the camp of Baron Saing. The scroll held the image of Dane Benedict and an order for Dar to surrender himself. As Benedict approached the encampment, he noted literally hundreds of thousands of troops sitting on Boones' north and western ridges. It was a bleak day for Boones. As he approached, the guards shackled him and then lead him to audience with Saing. Sitting on Saing's lap was his daughter, Dane Benedict. But before Benedict could leave with his daughter, he had to agree to do a favor for the Baron.

With Dar and his daughter safely returned to his Villa, he set about putting his plan into action. It may take many weeks or months, but he has his daughter back and that is worth it.

Wednesday, January 28, 1998

Chronicles II: The Trials of Ar D'Jazan

Jester's Note:
This installment was written by Ar' D. Jazan and edited by the Jester, for your entertainment.

During the travels of the Jester this last weekend, he stopped by the abode of Ar' D. Jazan, philosopher, magician, and sage. The Jester had hoped to consult the hidden library before embarking on further ravels, but before he could secure permission to peruse the stacks, a winged messenger brought tidings of a damsel in distress.

As Ar' D. Jazan had in sworn a foolish oath in his youth never to leave a maiden in distress, he left immediately by conjured chariot.

This sudden departure left the Jester surrounded by the rabble that always seems to surround D'Jazan (many seek his wisdom, but few receive it).

Hours later, D. Jazan returned dejected. Although he had successfully rescued the young lady, he found out she was far from maidenhood, and thus not covered by his oath.

Seeing the sullen face of Ar' D. Jazan, the Jester turned his efforts towards cheering up the sage. Though he was successful in his efforts, the Jester was unable to gain access to the hidden library.

--Ar' D. Jazan/The Royal Jester

Tuesday, January 27, 1998

Chronicles I: The Beginning.

And so came the day that the Jester feared, traveling unprotected from Gothex to Boones to preside over the annual Festival of War games, where proud young men tested their meddle against each other in the hopes of currying Royal favor. The Jester had spent many hours in the company of Ar' D. Jazan, the sage, in the hopes of divining the most fortuitous manor of travel. Unfortunately, Jazan could only manipulate the weather in a favorable way during the course of his travels. It took many hours and the aid of his most astute pupils, Gef'Rey the Pious and Tintar the Cloistered, but they were able to provide for the Jester's safe passage from Gothex to Boones. Upon his arrival, only the Governor was to be seen and in not top form, as a night of drinking and wenching was to attest. After a few formalities, the Jester saw himself off to bed.

Early the next morning, the Jester made his way to a fine artist's commune with performers and artisans. After several hours commiserating with the commoners, he made his way back to what was left of Edwardoland. Thousands dead, refugees by the hundreds trying to pick up what the war left them, the land was rubble and burned husks of what used to be homes. Walking these lanes, the Jester realized the fortunes that had befallen him and his choice in moving to a different court. After briefly consulting with JJ the Red about the possibility of another attack from Effingleer, the Jester made his way back to the Governor's house to prepare for the Festival.

The Festival lasted several hours and ended quietly in the early hours of the evening. The Jester received a summons to appear before Princess Thumper Head. While he waited, Lady Prim wandered the halls and the Jester chatted about the court life and heard that the Princess was not in her right mind these days. It was at this ominous warning
that signaled that the Princess was ready to see him. It took only a short time for the edict to be laid out before him. Apparently, the Princess, in her rather fragile state, had ordered the Jester exiled from Edwardoland in his absence. His ignorance, being his only defense, failed to protect him and the Jester was charged with treason. The
Jester had just enough sense to flee to Boones and seek asylum from the Governor.

Ministers Di'Rand, Brand, and Benedict issued proclamations that the Jester was under Boones' protection. While all this was comforting, the Jester still had to make his way back to Gothex to perform his duties there. He departed a day early to seek counsel with the wise seer Kindle, rumored to be a witch. He quested for many hours in the barren realm of the Western Empire seeking her out. Only when she was ready did she make herself appear to him and then only in a vision. Kindle awoke the Jester from his delirium, fed and comforted him in her elegant abode, which she keeps concealed from the mortal realm. After hours of being queried on his reasons for traveling a great distance, she rewarded him with a kernel of her knowledge.

As he departed from her protected realm, she pressed to his palm a message for the Gypsy Queen who was masquerading around as a noble woman by the name of 'deGuile. The Jester accepted his burden, thanked the witch for her insight and made for the Court of Gothex, where he had to be at sundown. Arriving safely, he secreted himself away to read the message meant for 'deGuile. Opening it was easy, reading the script was not. He summoned Gef'Rey, the monk, to decipher it. As he read it, the poor monk turned ashen and ran from the room, but not before he muttered something about having to save a Princess from murder.

Tuesday, January 20, 1998

Epic VII: The End of the Further (Mis)Adventures of PTH

Well now, I would like to thank everyone who wrote in a requested that their alter egos live on in the Jester Chronicles, for those of you who no longer follow the (Mis)Adventures, I would like to thank you for letting me know who you are. For those of you who follow the melodrama that I refer to as my life, thank you for making the (Mis)Adventures so popular.

For a quick update before the Chronicles go into effect...

Sir Pax, slain during the Battle of Springville.

General Lugg, assassinated during the attack on Springville.

Lord Runt, poisoned possibly by Lady Prop 'Hor, heir apparent.

Sir Martier, executed for treason.

Queen 'de Berghess, having taken ill, died in her sleep.

JerRand and Fihz, arrested in an attempted coup, held in the dungeon.

Dane Benedict, kidnapped by an unknown assailant.

* And introducing the Witch Kindle, renowned seer and magician.

* And Tintar, librarian in the Unseen Library.

And sooner or later I'll get around to writing the continuation of these things.

The Jester

Wednesday, January 14, 1998

Epic VI: The Safe Passage of the Jester to Boones, from Gothex.

The day started out peaceful enough. The Jester, having to make his way to Boones, packed carefully, thinking that it had been some time since he had paid his respects to the Royal family. Shortly after high noon his consort, Lady de'Guile, rumored to be a gypsy, arrived and the quest to Boones by way of Edwardoland began. Now with the coming war, the roads were unsafe outside of the domain of Gothex.  But the Jester seemed to think that it was important to make it to Boones.

The Princess, herself was evacuated along with most other members of the Royal house. The Queen fled to her father's court in the Far East, and Princess Lead Head was left to continue her studies in De Kat-hor.

Rumors circulated that Minister Brand and Dpt. Minister Benedict has slipped into Gothex and assessed their military build up, posing under the guise of visiting Dane Benedict. The Minister of Defense has been in executive meetings since their return, planning and plotting for the coming war. Governor Errien has extended political asylum to all refugees from Edwardoland, including war criminals. Fihz, a former gunner in the Edwardoland militia has taken up permanent residence in Boones, for fear of execution in Effingleer for firing upon a civilian school and several churches. Fihz, is under the vigilant eye of Brand and Dar Benedict...any reason for a hanging is a celebration.

The Jester had a private agenda for his travels as well as a public one.

While it is true that he felt the need to pay respects, he had received a message from Squigg, implying that his return to Edwardoland would prove useful to the power structure of the realm. It seems that the Princess was in low spirits and as always the Jester's antics would be appreciated. So off he was with a token of protection from the wizard Ar' D. Jazan to ward off evil spirits. It was this token that saved the Jester and his companion from certain doom while traveling through the besieged northern holdings of Edwardoland. The war to the north was not going well for the "Eddies". Those "Effers" were laying waste to everything insight, fortunately due to Lady deGuile's forte and quick
thinking, they arrived, slightly delayed, but in one piece.

After pleasantries were exchanged, the festivities were under way at the Governor’s behest. Mysteriously, Brand and Benedict disappeared, possibly to conduct "official business" as their station and paranoia dictated. It seems that during the course of the evening the widowed Governor took an interest in the Lady deGuile and a familiarity by evening's end was reported by onlookers. A minor court member noted how things always seemed to work out in the Jester's favor and if that was so did he too have an agenda? Or was it all fate?

This just in....
Fighting has picked up closer to home. Armies were dispatched from the palace to meet Effingleer forces marching from the north. Reports are sketchy, but it seems the Sir Pax was slain and that on of Effingleer's generals was felled as well, it is said to be Princess Thumper Head's jilted love, Prince Lugg.

Also, there has been an attempt on Queen 'de Berghess' life. The would be assassin was slain as he fled, the Queen has fallen ill, due to the attack. Healers are being summoned from all over the realm.

Sir Martier has been stationed on the Empire's eastern most border, rumored to be preparing to invade as Edwardoland is weakened.

Some suspicion has been cast on the Provincial Governor Errien, with his continued association with Ambassador JerRand. JerRand fled from Boones, as the war broke out in northern Edwardoland.

Will Edwardoland survive the coming assault? Will Boones ally themselves on way or another? Is there a treaty in place that will ensure the fall of the thrown? No one knows for sure.


Sunday, January 04, 1998

Epic V: The Close of PTH.

Author's note:

Please be aware that The Further (Mis)Adventures of Princess Thumper Head, will soon be coming to a close. They will be followed by the Jester's Chronicles. Due to unfortunate circumstances (and the fact that the cast list is over 20), some characters will be meeting some unhappy endings. Please write in and vote/suggest who should pass on and how. The "dead" line for this event is Jan 19th, 1998. One year after the Princess Thumper Head legend was born. You will notice below
is the standing cast have fun.

The Further (Mis)Adventures of PTH


In Edwardoland:
Princess Thumper Head, the protagonist, our heroine
-Lady Prim, the Beautiful, Noble from Ahz
-Lady Vase, Slayer of Small Cars, PTH's lady-in-waiting
-Squigg, the Royal Page
--Sir Pax, Knight Errant, Lady Vase's love
Prince Lugg, PTH's former love, now exiled

In the (recently freed) Independent City-State of Boones:
Errien, Former Royal Ambassador, now Provincial Governor
-Duhnk, ex-Royal Coach Driver, now the Minister of Culture
-Di'Rand, ex-Royal Hunt Master, now the Minister of State
-Brand the Brute, ex-Royal torturer, now Minister of Intelligence
-JJ the Red, Former Capt. of the Guard, now Minister of Defense
-Dar Benedict, traitor to the Crown of Effingleer, Deputy Minister of
Intelligence, spy for the City-State of Gothex
--JerRand, Royal Ambassador from Effingleer

In the Port City-State of Gothex:
The Royal Jester, the antagonist
Ar' D. Jazan, ancient hermit wizard, Keeper of the Unseen Library
-Dane de Benedict, Dar's infant daughter

In De Kat-hor:
-The Queen, PTH's mother (by adoption)
--Princess Lead Head, PTH's sister, the outcast

In the Western Empire:
Lord Runt, Emperor of the Western Empire
--Lady Prop 'Hor, half sister to Lady Prim, also from Ahz
--Sir Martier, consort of Lady Prim

In the Wastelands:
King Luiggi Roland, King in Exile to the Wastelands
-Queen 'de Berghess, married to King Luiggi, also in exile