Chronicles V: The Lost Gothex Chapter

***Editor's note
This issue of the Jester's Chronicles was provided by Ar' D. Jazan, for your entertainment.


While the Jester was in the witnessing the horrors occurring in Edwardoland, strange things were occurring in the city-state of Gothex. Rumors began of a strange beast roaming the countryside and mutilating cattle. Upon hearing these tales, most of the residents of Gothex merely crossed themselves and muttered that with rumors of plague wizards to the south, monsters were only to be expected.

However for Gef’Rey the Pious, these vague rumors only strengthened his desire to find the truth of the matter. Traveling from tavern to tavern, Gef’Rey gathered all of the information about the beast that he could. It seemed to come out only at night. Though it walked like a man, it had a strange loping gate. It’s face was similar to an ape, but with strange bone-like protrusions on its chin, eyebrows, nose, and tongue.

Most disturbingly of all, Gef’Rey learned the creature had abducted a serving wench from the Happy Harlot tavern mere minutes before he arrived. Horrified that the creature had apparently acquired a taste for human flesh, Gef’Rey at once departed for the unseen library.

After relating his tale to Tintar and Ar’ D. Jazan, the three decided to go on a quest to free the fair maid from the foul beast. For Gef’Rey it was a matter of curiosity, for Ar’ D. Jazan it was his youthful oath to always help a maiden in trouble, and of course for Tintar it was a belief that this tale of bravery would aid him in the bedding of other serving wenches.

Tintar insisted that before the quest they visit the unseen armory, deep beneath the library. Once there, Tintar armed himself with a Japanese katana, a curved short sword from Tibet, a dagger suitable for throwing, and a Gurka Kuri. As was their custom, Gef’Rey and Ar’ D. Jazan went unarmed.

The three scoured the countryside looking for the beast. Upon sighting the creature, it immediately fled. The three gave chase, and after many long hours Tintar cornered it. Using each of his weapons in turn, he injured the beast, while Gef’Rey and Ar’ D. Jazan stood back (as would any wise man while Tintar was brandishing a weapon).

As Tintar prepared to deal the killing blow, suddenly a wood nymph leapt forth begging for mercy. Gef'Rey and Ar’ D. Jazan restrained Tintar to allow the Nymph to tell her tale. Apparently this saurid creature was her mate. Normally, they stayed far away from the Gothex, but she had been curious and assumed the guise of a human serving wench to avoid detection. However, she had been gone too long and her mate had been impatient. He began to search for her, but unable to converse as a normal man he terrified whoever he encountered.
Feeling pity on the beast, Gef’Rey and Ar’ D. Jazan left. Tintar decided to let the beast live. But not before hamstringing it to prevent it from nearing the city again. The wood nymph howled a curse at Tintar for his actions, but the librarian merely laughed, for what power would the magic of a woman have over one as manly as he?

Chronicle IV: Court Intrigue and a Little Carnage

The rains beat down on Governor Errien as he stood on a balcony surveying the reports that his spies brought in. It was true that Saing's troops stood on his borders, but he had just won this State and he wasn't about to lose it to some Undead General. Packs of dogs occasionally ravaged his villages, but they were not organized attacks. Today one of the packs were rampaging through one of the small villas that surrounded his wall. Summoning his long bow, Errien put arrow after arrow into the pack leader until it was dead. He was unsatisfied though, he had put two arrows in the dogs hind legs, then one in it lower back, crippling it, and then one through its left eye. He ordered for any dogs found in his domain to be exterminated, a reward for every dog's skull brought before him.

Duhnk, in the mean time, was trying to understand a visiting noble woman's cultural rites of self-gratification. It was a difficult concept of purification, prayer, and guilt. Whereas in Boones...when in Boones do as the Nobles do...

Vague rumors of Nobles naked and running amuck in the corridors coursed among the servants.

Dar Benedict played with his daughter, as any good father should, reminding himself that this mat be the last few months for him in Boones. His deal would most likely leave him dead or on the run, but he'd have his daughter...

JJ the Red, has kept up affairs on his end. He was proposed to by a charming court entertainer, rumors have it that she was a favorite of the governor's, before her engagement. JJ had no comment on the matter.

While concealed away in Boones, a trusted runner brought a message to the hands of the Jester. As he turned it over in his hands, he saw the seal of Edwardoland and realized that it was the late Princess. As he read over it, he wept. There, in flowing script and dried tears the Princess rescinded her exile notice and pleaded for the Jester to return to her court. Distraught, the Jester fled Boones and headed for council with Lady/Queen 'deGuile. Upon arrival, the Lady summoned the Jester to her and queried him on the condition of Boones and Saing's army. After a few hours of dry discussion, it turned to the tragic days of Edwardoland. She said that she wished that Gef’Rey the Pious had only arrived sooner, she may have prevented some of the nightmares that occurred. The Jester asked what Kindle had sent and if he could see it. Handed the appropriate scroll from seemingly nowhere, the Jester expected to look at it and see the scribbles from before. Much to his surprise, he was able to read, plain as day, with the enchantments
removed, the following:


"Lady of Shadows,

Beware the wandering fool,
His loyalties are not as they seem,
His truths are the torch to the pyre of chaos.
He does not with malice do,
The acts of pain are not directed.
His hand married to a ghost do haunt,
The living will burn and run.
The undoing will begin with the birth of one,
True of heart, and clear of mind.
Only then will the locusts fly from our lands.

Move your agents and bring shadow forth to shroud and cloak our pawns,
only then are we assured.

Kindle"


This was all still a riddle to the Jester, but he felt lighter of heart and returned to Gothex, and the chaos that had occurred in his absence.

**Meanwhile in Boones, a young woman by the name of Lynn de 'Hor began a quest of her own...

Chronicles III: The Marches of Baron Saing

The darkest days were ahead for Edwardoland, unfortunately, no one there knew it yet. As was foretold by Kindle the Witch, wise beyond her years, there was a dark cloud advancing on Princess Thumper Head's lands. With the Jester's return to Gothex, things settled down, until he was summoned to see the Black Baron Saing. Saing held court in a small-blackened husk of a former mausoleum. His power, was rumored to be derived from that of the dead and his dealings with all things unholy.

The Jester's summons did not imply a death sentence, since he had aided Saing in deposing a minor duke some years back, in his youth. Saing was a gaunt man, who rested like a wraith on a throne. His taught visage seemed to age the Jester, by simply being in proximity to the man. The meeting was brief, just a few questions about his former charges, the Royal Family, and the Jester was on his way. As he left, he saw two hooded figures half concealed by the shadows of the court, whispering and chanting to themselves. Ah...thought the Jester, the fabled Plague Wizards, rumored to be brothers. With those thoughts barely crossing his mind, the Jester thought it wise to depart before his thoughts were revealed to those two, they had a habit of flaying their enemies with
seashells and hot coals.

Soon after his meeting with Saing, the Jester made his way to the Unseen Library and the company of Ar' D. Jazan and Gef’Rey the Pious. He inquired about the Plague Wizards, and was rewarded with disturbing tales of carnage and unholy alliances that kept them alive, so to speak. With this news, the Jester issued a messenger to Kindle for guidance. While the Jester's search for knowledge was taking place, a large force of creatures alive and unholy, marched on the Castles on Edwardoland and Effingleer. Baron Saing saw weakness as opportunity and there was a lot of opportunity south of Gothex, if his sources were to be believed. He first rolled over Springville laying waste to all that he surveyed. It was at this time that Minister Brand was inspecting the damage caused to Springville in the war against Effingleer. He fled upon the sight of the approaching army and was only an hour ahead of them as he arrived in Boones. The news of a force that size having slipped past so many informants terrified Governor Errien, and threw the Ministers into turmoil as to how best to deal with this army. Riders came in every
minute or two reporting that Baron Saing was massacring townspeople by the hundreds and butchering soldiers that had fled the battleground. Just as it seemed that the City would have to mobilize their forces, the advancing army stopped. They encircled the Princess' castle and demanded her surrender.

It seems that Princess Thumper Head was too enraged to have heard the edict, because she had returned to her chambers to find Lady Prim, Lady Vase, and Empress Prop 'Hor had all taken up with her consorts, a virtual orgy had been in progress as she walked through the chamber door. As the fight raged on inside the castle, the siege weapons slowly battered their way through the walls of the castle.

Rumors made their way back to Boones that the castle was in ruins. Reports also held that the Nobles had their flesh ripped from their bones as hundreds of dogs set upon them in packs. No one could identify any of them. The Ministers held a moment of silence that was rudely interrupted by a runner baring a message for the Governor. Upon reading the scroll, he ordered Dar Benedict to submit to the camp of Baron Saing. The scroll held the image of Dane Benedict and an order for Dar to surrender himself. As Benedict approached the encampment, he noted literally hundreds of thousands of troops sitting on Boones' north and western ridges. It was a bleak day for Boones. As he approached, the guards shackled him and then lead him to audience with Saing. Sitting on Saing's lap was his daughter, Dane Benedict. But before Benedict could leave with his daughter, he had to agree to do a favor for the Baron.

With Dar and his daughter safely returned to his Villa, he set about putting his plan into action. It may take many weeks or months, but he has his daughter back and that is worth it.

Chronicles II: The Trials of Ar D'Jazan

***
Jester's Note:
This installment was written by Ar' D. Jazan and edited by the Jester, for your entertainment.
***

During the travels of the Jester this last weekend, he stopped by the abode of Ar' D. Jazan, philosopher, magician, and sage. The Jester had hoped to consult the hidden library before embarking on further ravels, but before he could secure permission to peruse the stacks, a winged messenger brought tidings of a damsel in distress.

As Ar' D. Jazan had in sworn a foolish oath in his youth never to leave a maiden in distress, he left immediately by conjured chariot.

This sudden departure left the Jester surrounded by the rabble that always seems to surround D'Jazan (many seek his wisdom, but few receive it).

Hours later, D. Jazan returned dejected. Although he had successfully rescued the young lady, he found out she was far from maidenhood, and thus not covered by his oath.

Seeing the sullen face of Ar' D. Jazan, the Jester turned his efforts towards cheering up the sage. Though he was successful in his efforts, the Jester was unable to gain access to the hidden library.

--Ar' D. Jazan/The Royal Jester

Chronicles I: The Beginning.

And so came the day that the Jester feared, traveling unprotected from Gothex to Boones to preside over the annual Festival of War games, where proud young men tested their meddle against each other in the hopes of currying Royal favor. The Jester had spent many hours in the company of Ar' D. Jazan, the sage, in the hopes of divining the most fortuitous manor of travel. Unfortunately, Jazan could only manipulate the weather in a favorable way during the course of his travels. It took many hours and the aid of his most astute pupils, Gef'Rey the Pious and Tintar the Cloistered, but they were able to provide for the Jester's safe passage from Gothex to Boones. Upon his arrival, only the Governor was to be seen and in not top form, as a night of drinking and wenching was to attest. After a few formalities, the Jester saw himself off to bed.

Early the next morning, the Jester made his way to a fine artist's commune with performers and artisans. After several hours commiserating with the commoners, he made his way back to what was left of Edwardoland. Thousands dead, refugees by the hundreds trying to pick up what the war left them, the land was rubble and burned husks of what used to be homes. Walking these lanes, the Jester realized the fortunes that had befallen him and his choice in moving to a different court. After briefly consulting with JJ the Red about the possibility of another attack from Effingleer, the Jester made his way back to the Governor's house to prepare for the Festival.

The Festival lasted several hours and ended quietly in the early hours of the evening. The Jester received a summons to appear before Princess Thumper Head. While he waited, Lady Prim wandered the halls and the Jester chatted about the court life and heard that the Princess was not in her right mind these days. It was at this ominous warning
that signaled that the Princess was ready to see him. It took only a short time for the edict to be laid out before him. Apparently, the Princess, in her rather fragile state, had ordered the Jester exiled from Edwardoland in his absence. His ignorance, being his only defense, failed to protect him and the Jester was charged with treason. The
Jester had just enough sense to flee to Boones and seek asylum from the Governor.

Ministers Di'Rand, Brand, and Benedict issued proclamations that the Jester was under Boones' protection. While all this was comforting, the Jester still had to make his way back to Gothex to perform his duties there. He departed a day early to seek counsel with the wise seer Kindle, rumored to be a witch. He quested for many hours in the barren realm of the Western Empire seeking her out. Only when she was ready did she make herself appear to him and then only in a vision. Kindle awoke the Jester from his delirium, fed and comforted him in her elegant abode, which she keeps concealed from the mortal realm. After hours of being queried on his reasons for traveling a great distance, she rewarded him with a kernel of her knowledge.

As he departed from her protected realm, she pressed to his palm a message for the Gypsy Queen who was masquerading around as a noble woman by the name of 'deGuile. The Jester accepted his burden, thanked the witch for her insight and made for the Court of Gothex, where he had to be at sundown. Arriving safely, he secreted himself away to read the message meant for 'deGuile. Opening it was easy, reading the script was not. He summoned Gef'Rey, the monk, to decipher it. As he read it, the poor monk turned ashen and ran from the room, but not before he muttered something about having to save a Princess from murder.

Epic VII: The End of the Further (Mis)Adventures of PTH

Well now, I would like to thank everyone who wrote in a requested that their alter egos live on in the Jester Chronicles, for those of you who no longer follow the (Mis)Adventures, I would like to thank you for letting me know who you are. For those of you who follow the melodrama that I refer to as my life, thank you for making the (Mis)Adventures so popular.



For a quick update before the Chronicles go into effect...

Sir Pax, slain during the Battle of Springville.

General Lugg, assassinated during the attack on Springville.

Lord Runt, poisoned possibly by Lady Prop 'Hor, heir apparent.

Sir Martier, executed for treason.

Queen 'de Berghess, having taken ill, died in her sleep.

JerRand and Fihz, arrested in an attempted coup, held in the dungeon.

Dane Benedict, kidnapped by an unknown assailant.

* And introducing the Witch Kindle, renowned seer and magician.

* And Tintar, librarian in the Unseen Library.


And sooner or later I'll get around to writing the continuation of these things.

The Jester

Epic VI: The Safe Passage of the Jester to Boones, from Gothex.

The day started out peaceful enough. The Jester, having to make his way to Boones, packed carefully, thinking that it had been some time since he had paid his respects to the Royal family. Shortly after high noon his consort, Lady de'Guile, rumored to be a gypsy, arrived and the quest to Boones by way of Edwardoland began. Now with the coming war, the roads were unsafe outside of the domain of Gothex.  But the Jester seemed to think that it was important to make it to Boones.

The Princess, herself was evacuated along with most other members of the Royal house. The Queen fled to her father's court in the Far East, and Princess Lead Head was left to continue her studies in De Kat-hor.

Rumors circulated that Minister Brand and Dpt. Minister Benedict has slipped into Gothex and assessed their military build up, posing under the guise of visiting Dane Benedict. The Minister of Defense has been in executive meetings since their return, planning and plotting for the coming war. Governor Errien has extended political asylum to all refugees from Edwardoland, including war criminals. Fihz, a former gunner in the Edwardoland militia has taken up permanent residence in Boones, for fear of execution in Effingleer for firing upon a civilian school and several churches. Fihz, is under the vigilant eye of Brand and Dar Benedict...any reason for a hanging is a celebration.

The Jester had a private agenda for his travels as well as a public one.

While it is true that he felt the need to pay respects, he had received a message from Squigg, implying that his return to Edwardoland would prove useful to the power structure of the realm. It seems that the Princess was in low spirits and as always the Jester's antics would be appreciated. So off he was with a token of protection from the wizard Ar' D. Jazan to ward off evil spirits. It was this token that saved the Jester and his companion from certain doom while traveling through the besieged northern holdings of Edwardoland. The war to the north was not going well for the "Eddies". Those "Effers" were laying waste to everything insight, fortunately due to Lady deGuile's forte and quick
thinking, they arrived, slightly delayed, but in one piece.

After pleasantries were exchanged, the festivities were under way at the Governor’s behest. Mysteriously, Brand and Benedict disappeared, possibly to conduct "official business" as their station and paranoia dictated. It seems that during the course of the evening the widowed Governor took an interest in the Lady deGuile and a familiarity by evening's end was reported by onlookers. A minor court member noted how things always seemed to work out in the Jester's favor and if that was so did he too have an agenda? Or was it all fate?

This just in....

Fighting has picked up closer to home. Armies were dispatched from the palace to meet Effingleer forces marching from the north. Reports are sketchy, but it seems the Sir Pax was slain and that on of Effingleer's generals was felled as well, it is said to be Princess Thumper Head's jilted love, Prince Lugg.

Also, there has been an attempt on Queen 'de Berghess' life. The would be assassin was slain as he fled, the Queen has fallen ill, due to the attack. Healers are being summoned from all over the realm.

Sir Martier has been stationed on the Empire's eastern most border, rumored to be preparing to invade as Edwardoland is weakened.

Some suspicion has been cast on the Provincial Governor Errien, with his continued association with Ambassador JerRand. JerRand fled from Boones, as the war broke out in northern Edwardoland.

Will Edwardoland survive the coming assault? Will Boones ally themselves on way or another? Is there a treaty in place that will ensure the fall of the thrown? No one knows for sure.

Reporting,

Gorgina

Epic V: The Close of PTH.

Author's note:

Please be aware that The Further (Mis)Adventures of Princess Thumper Head, will soon be coming to a close. They will be followed by the Jester's Chronicles. Due to unfortunate circumstances (and the fact that the cast list is over 20), some characters will be meeting some unhappy endings. Please write in and vote/suggest who should pass on and how. The "dead" line for this event is Jan 19th, 1998. One year after the Princess Thumper Head legend was born. You will notice below
is the standing cast list...so have fun.


The Further (Mis)Adventures of PTH

Featuring:

In Edwardoland:
Princess Thumper Head, the protagonist, our heroine
-Lady Prim, the Beautiful, Noble from Ahz
-Lady Vase, Slayer of Small Cars, PTH's lady-in-waiting
-Squigg, the Royal Page
--Sir Pax, Knight Errant, Lady Vase's love
Prince Lugg, PTH's former love, now exiled

In the (recently freed) Independent City-State of Boones:
Errien, Former Royal Ambassador, now Provincial Governor
-Duhnk, ex-Royal Coach Driver, now the Minister of Culture
-Di'Rand, ex-Royal Hunt Master, now the Minister of State
-Brand the Brute, ex-Royal torturer, now Minister of Intelligence
-JJ the Red, Former Capt. of the Guard, now Minister of Defense
-Dar Benedict, traitor to the Crown of Effingleer, Deputy Minister of
Intelligence, spy for the City-State of Gothex
--JerRand, Royal Ambassador from Effingleer

In the Port City-State of Gothex:
The Royal Jester, the antagonist
Ar' D. Jazan, ancient hermit wizard, Keeper of the Unseen Library
-Dane de Benedict, Dar's infant daughter

Also:
In De Kat-hor:
-The Queen, PTH's mother (by adoption)
--Princess Lead Head, PTH's sister, the outcast

In the Western Empire:
Lord Runt, Emperor of the Western Empire
--Lady Prop 'Hor, half sister to Lady Prim, also from Ahz
--Sir Martier, consort of Lady Prim

In the Wastelands:
King Luiggi Roland, King in Exile to the Wastelands
-Queen 'de Berghess, married to King Luiggi, also in exile

Epic IV: In the not too distant past.

In the not too distant past...

Now it is true that the Royal Jester has retired from the service of the Court, he still holds close ties to powerful members of the Court.

Shortly before his retirement, Ambassador Errien and Duhnk, chose to celebrate The Festival of Bygone Eras at his winter estate. Many members of the Court made their appearances. Including, the Jester, the Princess, herself (with an entourage), the Capt. of the Guard, and Brand (using time off from torture duty).

The Festival began shortly after sundown and continued well into the earliest of the morn. Many colorful personalities peppered the evening. The Barkeep was almost executed for treason, and various wenches were employed to satisfy to patrons. Many a minstrel and acting troupe were retained to amuse to drunkards. Various commoner undesirables made appearances and were promptly pitched into the moat. Later on into the evening JerRand, the ambassador of Effingleer (and good friend to Errien) and his betrothed grace the festivities with their presence. It is rumored the JerRand came to warn Errien the Edwardoland may be under attack before the year is out. He advised that it would be wise for anyone to flee the land before the coming war.

Princess Thumper Head's entourage caused quite a stir upon their arrival. Lady Vase's absence led to much posturing as her loyalty to the Princess. Lady Prim of Ahz accompanied the Princess with two servant boys. Lady Prim's politics have been questioned of later, because it is rumored the she consorts with Sir Martier, a former knight, who is now employed as a mercenary in the Western Empire which is currently at war with Ar' Hizona over trade rights. To worsen matters, her half sister (by marriage) Lady Prop 'Hor has returned to the Western Empire to serve her Lord Runt. Princess Thumper Head plans on a diplomatic mission to the Western Empire to smooth over relations between the two kingdoms.

Epic III: The Retirement of the Jester from the Court.

"The Kingdom of Edwardoland was shocked by the sudden departure of the Royal Jester from the Court early this morning. Sources close to the Royal family speculate that there may have been a falling out between the Jester and the Princess. 


The Royal Jester has survived many of the scandals that have rocked the Royal Family. From rumors of a child out of wed-lock to exile to the Duchy of De Kat-hor (a fabricated plot to assassinate the Queen came to light and the Jester and two lower members of the Royal Family were implicated), the Royal Jester has steadfastly defended to Royal family, and at times has claimed responsibility for various scandals. 


The most recent scandal to rock the family was the Holiday that to Princess took this past summer. Rumors surfaced before her return, that she had taken several lovers during the month long retreat from the public's eye. Several men have come forward, but were promptly arrested on a myriad of charges and kept in the dungeon. 


The Princess has a long history of scandals, stretching back to taking a commoner as a concubine to her brash choice to not marry Prince Lugg, earlier this year. With the departure of the Jester, once again the Royals are being closely examined. it is rumored that the Jester's services have already been retained by a Potentate in the desert kingdom of Tem'pe, in the Land of Ar'Hizonah. 


It is rumored that the Jester is taking with him proof of several scandals and rumors of things that we haven't even heard of. We will continue to try to get an interview with him before he leaves."

This is Georgina, reporting for the Edwardoland Investigator.

Epic II: The Further (Mis)Adventures of PTH! Part II.

 Now it is only fair to say that the Festival of Drunken Musicians was a tolerable affair. All of Royalty was there, and various peasants of Edwardoland came to pay their respects to The Queen and her family. Being the Royal Jester,

I was of course to provide the entertainment, but I found that the Queen and her subjects were far to enlightened by drink to appreciate my musings. As the Festival wore on, it did have its exciting moments.  When a court page was rejected by a noble woman, what else was there to do but throw himself from the balcony?


It is a shame that commoners just can't seem to understand the Nobility and commoners do not mix. Fortunately, the young lad was too intoxicated to have felt the thump left on his head and faired well.

Later on into the Festival, after Brand had been helped back to his bungalow and

The Queen was found, wandering in a hostile Kingdom, the Ladies of Nobility proceeded to partake of a game of seduction. They had waited until the other noblemen had left or fallen into a drunken stupor, such was the case for Prince Lugg, Sir Pax, and the other Knights. This game involved, but not directly, a bottle and six participants. When Sir Pax awoke from his drunken stupor, he was most enraged with the infidelity of his mistress, Lady Vase. This brought a crashing end to the game, and some drunken blubbering from Sir Pax, Lady Vase, and Princess Thumper Head. All of the Queen's subjects bedded down for the night, most of them by themselves. In the morning a fresh blanket of snow had covered the landscape and coated and the misgivings of the previous evening's festivities.

With the departure of the Queen, Princess Thumper Head, Lady Vase and Sir Pax (off to repent for their sins and ask the Bishop for his forgiveness), this left a few members of the Peanut Gallery and myself to clean to Villa where last night's festivities were held. A visiting Nobleman was to make his appearance and the criers signaled his advance. The mad scramble to cleanse the Villa resulted in a surprising success! And the day was spent sleeping off the effects of the festivities!

Epic I: The Announcement.

Announcing the Epic to end all epics, coming soon (in installments), as the author writes them:

The Further (Mis)Adventures of Princess Thumper Head.

Featuring:

Princess Thumper Head, the protagonist

Lady Vase, Slayer of Small Cars, PTH's lady-in-waiting

The Queen, PTH's mother (by adoption)

Sir Pax, Knight Errant, Lady Vase's love

Also:

The Royal Jester, the antagonist

JJ the Red, Capt. of the Guard, long time friend of the Jester

Brand the Brute, Royal torturer

And:

The Peanut Gallery, various residents of the Kingdom of Edwardoland, who have heir own two cents to throw in.

Now that we have the cast, let's introduce the setting.

Place: Edwardoland.

Time: In the not so distant past, at the Festival of Drunken Musicians, hosted by Sir Pax.

This is the premise for the Further (Mis)Adventures of Princess Thumper Head.